From the beautifully disturbed mind behind the crude and phenomenally successful Family Guy comes Ted, a movie about a foul-mouthed, pot-smoking, sexually active (despite being ill-equipped), trash-talking Teddy Bear. Need we say more?
Starring Mark Wahlberg and everyone’s favourite leading lady of the moment Mila Kunis, Ted begins at Christmas in 1985, where the jokes immediately start to flow. An awkward, weird kid with no friends John Bennet (Brett Manley, later played by Mark Wahlberg) is struggling to fit in, but salvation soon comes at the hands, or rather paws, of a stuffed bear.
Fed up with being a loner the boy decides to make a wish, a Christmas wish, which, naturally, comes true and brings his polyester best friend to life. “If there’s one thing you can be sure of it’s that nothing is more powerful than a young boy’s wish. Except an Apache Helicopter, an Apache Helicopter has machine guns and missiles, it is an unbelievably impressive complement of weaponry, an absolute death machine.”
Of course this Yule-tide miracle soon sees Ted become an absolute sensation, with every talk show host in America wanting a piece of the action, but invariably “no matter how big a splash you make in the world, whether you’re Corey Feldman, Frankie Munez, Justin Bieber, or a talking teddy bear, eventually nobody gives a shit.”
The years fly by in a haze, boy becomes man (and Mark Wahlberg) and bear becomes, well, a bear with a deeper voice. The pair remain the best of friends, absolutely inseparable, much to the disdain of John’s live-in girlfriend of eight years, Lori (Kunis).
What follows isn’t for anyone easily offended, or overly-sensitive prudes as we call them, as Ted and John’s misadventures see them meet a washed-up Flash Gordon, get caught pleasuring an unpleasant minded colleague atop groceries in a supermarket stockroom, and learn the true meaning of friendship, albeit a dysfunctional, life damaging one.
Ted is a boy movie, admittedly it isn’t for everyone and it does get a little tiresome at times, but there are moments within it that are side-splittingly funny, and more than a little heart warming.
So, although we find this a little unBEARable to say, make sure that if you go down to the cinema today, whether you like your humour hot, cold or just right, you make this bear a necessity.
Starring: Mark Wahlberg, Mila Kunis, Seth MacFarlane, Joel McHale, Giovanni Ribisi, Patrick Stewart, Alex Borstein, Matt Walsh.
Written and directed by: Seth MacFarlane.