So that’s it. After weeks of tabloid hype, public meltdowns and above all else – low-rate rock vocals, Brighton’s Frankie Cocozza has reached the end of his X-Factor journey.
Show bosses announced today that Frankie had to be axed from the live finals after breaking one of the show’s ‘Golden Rules’. Doesn’t seem overly surprising to us.
But the big question now is, what’s next for the South East’s most loathed lothario? We take a look at where we might see Frankie popping up over the next 12 months:
The Eurovision Song Contest
Our friends in the continent have long had an obsession with calamitous egomaniacs (look at Germany’s obsession with David Hasselhoff), so perhaps next Spring’s competition is the perfect chance for Frankie to re-enter phone-vote based music television. When you also weigh up that like Cocozza, our previous entrants this century have been more Vauxhall Nova than Rolls Royce performers – the fella may just have half a chance.
Celebrity Big Brother
This year’s show featured X-List stars including Lucien Laviscount, Paddy Doherty and Amy Childs – surely our Frankie would fit in with such esteemed company during next year’s run? Formerly the country’s most famous house, the show has annually degenerated in to a program featuring the sort of people you’d expect to be churned out for a C-list movie premiere. Plus, there’s always an obligatory Big Brother romance – perhaps it’d be a great chance to get Lindsay Lohan’s name tattooed across his arse.
Butlins Holiday Camp
Like many X-Factor final flops before him; Chico, Same Difference and Eoghan Quigg, singing to middle class families of four in a pretty redundant British holiday camp could be Frankie’s second chance to propel himself to stardom. Well, probably not stardom. It could be worse though – he may have to resort to Pontins if things get truly desperate.
The Priory Rehab Clinic
We’re all aware of the zany-haired fool’s problems with drink and now supposedly drugs so like many Rock’n'Roll greats of the past – a one month stay in the UK’s most lauded rehab clinic isn’t necessarily a bad shout. If this series of X-Factor continues to symbolise car-crash television, his old mentor Gary Barlow may just have to join him.
The Job Centre
Finally, there is always the possibility that like most of the contestants exploited by ITV’s reality TV juggernaut, their dreams die and a quick fall back into obscurity is the eventual outcome. In which case the Job Centre is waiting for a visit from Mr. Cocozza this coming Monday morning.